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IfDirectron Scholarship 2008 Essay No. 15
by Megan Eden
Intended School: University of Maryland College Park or Moody Bible Institute
Intended Major: Electronic Media
There was only one thing I could really do on the computer
that really wasn't programming, but I pretended it was
because to someone who didn't know better, it was the same thing.
when I was six
no, younger than that,
Dad sat me down in front of the Windows '95
and taught me simple things like paint and word.
in excel, he made me a pie chart:
according to these numbers,
20% of your beanie babies are dogs.
11.2% are cats.
55.8% are "other".
aren't computers fun?
and I asked my first "if".
if I grow up, can I be on computers all day like Daddy?
I just thought that's what everyone did,
that every little girl had a Daddy that
taught her how to play on the computer.
if I could do one thing
on the computer that made me look smart,
it was
in Microsoft Access,
even though Daddy wanted me to become
a computer engineer one day
and do all sorts of useful things with databases.
I never liked to do useful things.
instead I typed:
Private Sub Form_Timer()
If Me![Poke'ball 1].Visible = -1 Then
Me![Poke'ball 1].Visible = 0
Me![Poke'ball 2].Visible = -1
ElseIf...
and so on.
then when I went out of the code,
pictures would flash across the screen.
it's called the phi phenomenon.
I think Daddy wanted me to expand
do what you're supposed to do with databases.
but I'd sit in paint for hours
making duplicate pictures
and programming them to flash on and off.
when I got older
Daddy taught me more complex things to do
with my animation.
he made me ask,
if you could do anything on the computer
what'd you want to do?
he made the world of code my playground,
my magic wand
and whatever I wanted,
IF I imagined it,
there was a code to make it happen.
so I asked if we could make animations for every day.
and he wrote:
'we are making forms come on depending what day it is.
we never finished it.
so now the form is scraps and pieces of
bitmap images and code that
only makes error messages pop up.
if when I grow up, I don't want to be on a computer all day
just sometimes,
is that ok?
I got the courage to tell him
I didn't want to become a computer engineer.
maybe a writer.
maybe an artist.
something that wasn't considered "useful".
if I could do anything.
and he started joking that I would become a starving artist.
the jokes he still tells me now.
it was hard to ask
should I become a computer engineer
and type important databases all day,
or should I be making the stick figure do cartwheels?
maybe I could make more of those useless files
I did in 5th grade,
excel files with all coloured in cells
to make a pretty rainbow.
there wasn't a number in sight.
so I went with my if.
and now I've even forgotten how to type:
Private Sub Form_Open(Cancel As Integer).
I had to go look it up.
I laugh at my early childhood
in front of the computer screen,
typing code that really isn't code
pretending I'm a prodigy when I'm really not,
carrying my Daddy's dream in my front pocket.
I've grown up
even if I still have little paint bitmap files
I made in 2nd grade filling up my C drive.
I made a decision.
I didn't need to ask ifs anymore.
End If
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